Don't, repeat, do NOT try this at home.
1. Don't open a Spam Classic Single, on display for 18 months in your office, because you're "curious" and eat it. What possessed these nine people to give Spam Single Classic, or any kind of Spam, a 4-star-plus rating on Amazon, I will never know.
2. A few bites in, when you realize your horrible mistake and how impossible it will be to get the memory of the taste/texture/smell of this offal out of your system, don't give the rest to your dog. That way lies madness, not now, but soon. I believe Sweeney Todd makes Spam, or at least furnishes the ingredients.
3. Don't attempt to quell your nausea and spinning head with a Krakus Ham/Wasa crispbread chaser. It won't help. At all.
The only good thing? The copy on the front of the package that reads "Just rip and tear your way to CRAZY TASTY (TM) town!" It cheers me to think they've copyrighted the phrase "crazy tasty." Clearly, if you find it tasty, you must be crazy.
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Update: Good news: A 99-cent Arizona Diet Peach Tea seemed to restore at least the illusion of equilibrium. For now. My grandmother Dolores Brokke used the expression "playing Indian" to mean, "if you're having digestive trouble, keep eating/drinking until the problem resolves itself." This is my first, and likely last, attempt to follow that particular piece of grandmotherly advice.
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