Food: Looks Bad, Tastes Good: (Almost) Perfect Fried Eggs

I love eggs - all ways, but perhaps this way best.  After years of experimentation, I have honed a technique I am going to share with you.  One caveat:  These eggs definitely fall into the category of "looks bad, tastes good," which at our house is frequently used as an incentive to get people to try unappetizing-looking foods.   A surprisingly large number of foods fall into that category, if you think about it.

Ingredients for Tremendously Good Fried Eggs 
- 2 or 3 eggs.  I wanted 3 today.
- Butter, margarine, vegan buttery sticks, or whatever works for you.  I like butter and since I only make these a few times a year, it's a treat.  Let's say about as much as you'd put on 2 pieces of toast.
- A bit of water (1 tsp or so) in a separate glass.  You'll see why in a minute.
- A good egg pan.  What's a good egg pan?  The pan in these photos is the most incredible egg pan ever.  It's an ancient 8-inch cast iron skillet I got at the Village Thrift Shop for two bucks.  You want it to be big enough to house your desired number of eggs, but small enough so they'll fit nicely into the pan and not slither around.  
- A reasonably tight-fitting cover.  Doesn't have to be airtight but you're trying to build up some steam in there.


1.  Dial the heat up all the way on that pan.  Don't put the butter in it yet, whatever you do. Just slap the lid on there and crank it all the way up.  You want that thing to get red hot when the butter & eggs hit it.

2.  Crack your eggs into a small dish so you can slip them into the pan easily - you won't have time to crack them in individually once the pan is hot.  And I'm a lazy person, so trust me when I say you'll regret it if you skip this step. It's also a good idea to move all the stuff you need about two inches from the pan, because once the pan is red-hot, it will be a matter of split-second timing.  Finally, put just a tiny bit of water, a teaspoon or so, in a glass and have that nearby as well.

3.  When the pan is crazy smoking hot, lift the lid and put in the butter.  Grab a potholder so you don't burn your hand, grab the pan, quickly swirl the butter around before it turns black, dump in the eggs immediately, then pour the bit of water down the inside edge of the pan and CLAP the lid on right away.  Leave the heat on HIGH.  The whole operation should take you no more than about 15 seconds.  These suckers cook fast.

4.  Count to, say, 20, then take off the lid.  If the eggs look like the ones below, you waited a few seconds too long.  I was trying to take a photo and should have enlisted some help.  They'll still turn out delicious.  Remember:  Looks Bad, Tastes Good.  

If you're doing it right, which I didn't, the white will have filmed over the yolks, which will still be dangerously and deliciously uncooked.

5.  Still working quickly because that pan is HOT, grab your trusty spatula and muscle those eggs into your favorite eating receptacle, then grind some salt & pepper on there and enjoy with your favorite eating implement.  Most people would eat these with a fork on a plate.  I eat them in a bowl with a spoon, because then I can cut them up and pretend they are the beloved soft-boiled eggs of my youth.  To this day, when frequenting such well-loved places as Pat's Place in Skokie, if the waitress is in a good mood, I'll ask her to bring me three poached eggs in a bowl.

Yolks still ready to roll despite waiting a bit too long.  Cronchy-good eggs.